Coming to Joy

There are times I am honestly so very much overwhelmed with the feeling of joy that I do not know what to do with it.  I never want the feeling to end, and it never really does.  Sure, I have my good days and my bad days; but, when it comes down to it, life is wonderful!  It’s taken me years to get to this point.  I have so much love inside me it oozes out and I want to share it with those who will appreciate it; my parents and most of all my son.  I adore him.  I look at him.  I glow.  No, seriously, I GLOW!  That little boy is EVERYTHING.  He is the reason I am a mother.  He is the reason I am the best mother for him.  He is the best son for me.  He saved my life.  He gave me light as he grew inside of me.  I lay in bed while pregnant with him as I held my belly and I cried.  I cried telling him everything would be okay.  Momma loves you, I would say.  He is now five years old and the most beautiful soul.  His eyes reflect the sunlight like you’ve never seen.  He is free.  I love that he is FREE.  He is free to be who he is, to grow, to blossom.  I trust in God.  I trust in the Universe.  I trust me and I trust him.  I finally TRUST.  And it’s freeing to be this way after a life time of not knowing it. 

I also know that I am the most joyful with my family.  I am not ready for a commitment to add someone into the picture, yet there is someone in the picture.  Is he the one for me?  No, he isn’t.  I know there is someone else who enters my life.  You may ask, “How does this girl KNOW there is someone out there whom she is meant to be with?  She doesn’t even know this person, who he may be, or if he even exists.  Somehow I know.  When I was a young girl, a little girl I KNEW things.  I knew who light souls were and who dark ones were.  I stayed away from the dark ones and opted to be alone in my bedroom listening to music.  Relatives or not, if I experienced that uncomfortable feeling around a person or persons, I removed myself from them or the area they were in, as long as I could.  One day I lost all those intuitions, intuitiveness whatever you like to call it.  I was stripped of everything I knew the day of the accident.  It was the day God took my best friend from me.  He took her tragically at 8 years old.  I was 10. My best friend was my cousin.  She is my cousin.  She lives inside of me and remains with me.  I also know that NOW.  We were in a pedestrian accident together.  As the truck sped past me inches from my face, the umbrella I was holding was forced out of my hand and flew through the air, not knowing what was happening.   She lay before me on the cold, wet blacktop tar of the highway.  I see her and say to myself “She’s going to live, she’s going to live, she’s going to live”, or was it, “she’s okay, she’s okay, she’s okay.”  I am fixated on her, her face and what was going to happen next.  Oblivious to everything around me and concentrating on telling myself and God she’s going to live, I have no idea traffic comes to a halt and people gather around us.  While still focusing on her and her face, blood gushes from her mouth.  No longer can I convince myself my cousin, my best friend will survive.

Step 1 cont'd

While using the amethyst Crystal one should be saying affirmations, such as:  "I am an asset" or "I am enough" ten times in a row.   This can be done while driving, first thing in the morning or whenever you choose.  This is also the time you need to change your thoughts, words and actions.  Changing my morning routine has helped me with my thought process.       I begin my day by thanking God and the Universe for all events in my life which have brought me  exact ly where I need to be.  We must begin to let go of the past and our resentments as well as self-loathing.  Once we forgive ourselves only then can we begin ANEW.

This is also tbe time to begin reading helpful books for a new way of life.  I highly recommend Jonathan Livingston Seagull by Richard Bach.  Each time you read the book at different stages of recovery you will uncover something new could not see during the previous read.

I will update as new memories and tips come to mind.  Feel free to leave comments and snswer the question I added to the blog.   I hope this to be helpful.

Thank you!

Recovering

Recovery

Step 1 (cont'd) - During this phase, comes a time when you just need to STOP talking about the hurt, anger, pain, etc and TAKE ACTION, take action to remove the pain, hurt, anger, etc. from your being or yes, I'm going to say it, your SOUL.  Because that is where everything is stored and where it affects who we are, alters who we are and where it hurts!


Tools - There are several tools I use to help me through the process and I still continue to use as my way of life. 

• Crystals - An amethyst is recommended for the initial healing process.  I carried mine around for a very long time.  It lessened my anxiety and literally helped alleviate the hurt I felt deep within me in conjunction with the other tool, writing and burning, which I mention below.  The following link provides more information on amethysts and its healing properties at http://tinyurl.com/ls4zfb7. 

         **Special note:  Clean the crystal in a small bowl filled with water and salt.  Let it sit for 5 minutes.   Once a month place the crystal in your window under the full moon for cleansing and energy. 

You should carry it with you all the time and hold onto it in your hand whenever possible to alleviate stress, anxiety and to help bring calm during the healing phase for at least one month.

How it all began cont'd

~(Cont'd)This is how it all began ~
During the time when I left the relationship, we continued to try to work things out MAINLY for the child.  I had such a hard time KNOWING or trying to know that I(we - child and I) were much better off and healthier living away from the child's father and not in the same house.  This is where I was fooling myself into thinking I could remain the abused, controlled person who would have the respect of her child living with a man who did not even have a quarter of an ounce of respect for me. Yes, completely crazy thought process.  The truth of the matter is IT IS OKAY FOR CHILDREN TO COME FROM A DIVORCED FAMILY AND PARENTS WHO DO NOT LIVE TOGETHER WHEN IT IS AN EXTREMELY UNHEALTHY FAMILY DYNAMIC.  I am and can continue to be teh  mother I am because "the switch" in my brain clicked and I realized if i tried to continue to be someone I wasn't Iwould lose my life.  That is how bad it was for me.

Such shame is cast upon women who are in abusive relationships and who are divorced.  Who REALLY cares!  That's just it....society cares.  NEWSFLASH:  Take a look at our society.  What makes it so great.  How do people treat one another?  What is valued in our society?  We've lost our sense of valuing people and genuinely caring about them and for them.  I digress..back to the story.

 

 

I hated myself, truly hated me, my life, what I had done with it, how could I choose this, yet I did.  I felt the need to continue punishing myself.  The punishment was living under a different roof and trying to work it out with him.  He was my punishment and in my mind, I deserved it.  I even believed I deserved to die and I would have taken my own life...I knew I would if I didn't change SOMETHING.  The only time I was happy was my time without him and I knew it!  So now how do I overcome my FEAR and unlock my PRISON?????

~Today brings more from Douglas Ray's writings, A New Way.  These writings are presented in page by page order as he has written them.~

A New Way

by Douglas Ray

Truth can not be spoken from a plain that someone is unaware of.  It would be like explaining how to swim if you never saw or understood water.  We never reach beyond the mask of here and now to uncover the realm of real. So if we only know this material realm how can we find truth, until we understand that we live in a plain of transition.  Always in a state of flux.  We have very little ability to understand permanence, so therefore, we change all the time.  We call it growth.  Nothing is made to last we don't even allow God to be.  We ask him over and over to correct things, so how can anything be right.  We think God has made a  mistake.  As long as we think and act this way we will never arrive at the moment of absolute total spirit truth.

As long as we find the need to seek more of everything we need to have attachment. When one can have no attachment to anything then he can begin to see that they are ALL THINGS not man made things.  People attach themselves to other people, places and things all the time to give themselves value.  And in value there is truth.....so we think.

Truth only comes with knowing not getting.  Direct knowledge is truth.

How does one know direct truth from verbal truth?  Watch everything around you. When you begin to understand the purpose, reason and meaning of all things you will be ready for direct truth.  Any new idea that seems to go against the norm...when something causes us to close our minds, I have found through allowing it, things are different.  They make one look in a different way at something.  As before, we attach to something new with any idea at what it is. 

Very few times do we experience anything real.  So when it happens we attach a feeling or action to it.  It's like reading about a person's path if they begin to explain it and we truly understand why are we reading it?  For the age old thought that someone else came this way.  But if we don't understand it or it causes no reaction we thing something is a miss.

From my time many things I read do not impact me at the moment, yet somewhere it develops.  A deal of time can pass then at some later time it explodes and thros us to another level.  When one seeks neither life nor death we are there.

We do the same things over and over.  If we fail we try it over again, modifying an old idea thinking it's new.  It is still at the core an old idea.

We change only if it hurts bad enough.  And only change to the point where we go up to pain.  The old saying, "give until it hurts", how about, "give until there is nothing left to give".  If you reach that point you have become limitless.

A New Way Introduced

This is a series I will be posting titled, A New Way, written by Douglas Ray.  It chronicles the spiritual journey of a soul seeking its fulfillment through honesty, awareness and ultimately realizing the five gifts of living.  Mr. Ray's writings will be featured in addition to the various social issues discussed in this blog.

A New Way

by Douglas Ray

Now to begin to understand the truth which I thought was so far away I could never find it. So many words of so called truth.

Everyone has a thought what they think truth is or is not. Without the direct knowledge from the soul truth will always be just a thought. We dress it up with words.Sometimes action, but we never get to the core of truth. We hear "to think own self be true" . What does that really mean? We read books and stories of men and women who have lived in a way that the books call "the golden rule", the guide to God. Many different ways of saying what? That they found truth.

Truth can not and has never been explained due to it being a total spiritual experience only shared between your two selves. I have heard many people express what they feel is truth, yet as time moves along and I listen to the words people say it has very little to do with truth. It has much to do with how one sees the word. Most of the time truth, as people express it, is covered with ego, self grandeur and "better than" image of one's self.




***More of Mr. Ray's writings to follow.***